The Blackest of Days

So I don't do Black Friday. Never. Ever.

Okay, once.

A couple of years ago I wanted a laptop and I guess I wanted it so badly that I temporarily lost my senses. But in the midst of my lack of clear thinking I did have one moment of clarity. I was determined that I was not going to go in the middle of night and stand in line for it. Sights like this kept playing over and over in my head...

So I did the next best thing. I asked my husband to go in the middle of the night and stand in line for it. I even offered to make him a thermos of coffee to take with him.

He didn't bite.

I had to go myself but I dug my heels in about going out that night. I had until 11:00 am the next day to get the deal on the laptop so I figured I'd wait. Surely there would be some laptops left. I mean come on, the store is going to stock enough for everyone, right?

Apparently that's not how it works on Black Friday. When I pulled into the parking lot, it looked like a deserted street in a ghost town. Deadly quiet...empty plastic shopping bags rolling around like tumble weeds...a slight humming noise coming from the flickering neon store sign...and the only person in the parking lot was a slightly dazed shopping cart guy, listlessly pushing a mile long line of carts back towards the store.

I started looking around, half expecting to see Clint Eastwood riding through the parking lot at any minute, cigarillo clamped between his teeth with some weird whistling music playing.

"Did they close the store?" I thought to myself. "No, there's the gal ringing the bell at the red kettle. They have to be open."

I walked inside and grabbed a cart (I didn't want to disturb the shopping cart guy, he seemed to get a little agitated the closer he got to the front door of the store). And then I started off to the electronics department. And to my utter shock, the laptop I wanted was sold out. There I stood, looking from shelf to shelf, mouth wide open, muttering to myself, "They're all gone? How can that be?"

Then a sales clerk suddenly appeared out of nowhere, as if an angel. As she glided by me, she said, "Honey, those things were gone in the first 43 seconds." And then as quickly as she had appeared, she was gone. (I later saw her at the snack bar)

So I slowly turned my cart around and headed toward the exit. Defeated, I thought, "Well, I guess I wasn't meant to have that laptop." I made my way through the store, got sidetracked in the yarn department, bought an Icee and headed home.

And as I told my family the story of shopping among the ruins, the sad tale of shopping cart guy, the account of the angelic sales clerk, and the ultimate loss of the new laptop, Taryn said, "Why don't you just go online?"

Ted the UPS guy delivered it to the house the next Tuesday.